Monthly Archives: April 2014

5 Life Lessons as Explained by My Cat

Love this

Gone Catawampus

Be Awesome in Your Own Fur

1. Take Pride in Your Appearance

We are divine, noble, and gorgeous creatures by nature. Therefore, appearance is everything. Every chance you have, be sure to lick yourself to keep your fur in place and looking glossy. Bask in your glory on a windowsill and allow other people to admire your exquisiteness. Nap.

*Disclaimer: Cats have impossible standards of beauty. Do not attempt to live up to such. Focus on your natural beauty. Gone Catawampus does not recommend licking one’s self as a practice of cleanliness. Please use normal human methods. Thank you.

2. Know Your Comfort Zone

I don’t mean that you should hide under the bed all day. (Though it is useful when the evil vacuum is out.) Discover where that smell is coming from. Go see if you can climb that new bookshelf.  Figure out what is…

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This weather

First it’s nice out and I can frolic and roll around in the grass under the warm sun.
Yesterday it snowed.


Adulthood is Terriffying

I don’t remember the eighties. And it’s not because I was high on hairspray, squeezed into fluorescent spandex, and roller skating around Pat Benetar shows.

It’s because I was thirteen months old when they ended.

I only (legally) rented my first car a few months ago, and if I lived with my mom I’m still of the age that people wouldn’t raise eyebrows and stinks and whatever else they raise about other people’s business.

I’m young, dammit.


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My fish are dead*

Escaping Elegance

Art by Allie Brosh Art by Allie Brosh

WARNING: If you are my mother, you may want to skip this post.

March is next week and I’ve just uncovered a pile of unopened Christmas cards in the kitchen drawer. I had a rough winter and things that I couldn’t face were pushed aside. If I open those cards, I’ll have to acknowledge the relationships they hold. Concede that there are people who care, have to care for them in return.

Life isn’t as easy to shove away as those colourful envelopes.

There have been too many lies in my life. I lie to cover-up my feelings and I lie to make people go away. Eventually the lies become too many; too many to keep track of and too many to care about. The lies are my shield, but they make me tired.

When I get too tired, I just want it all to…

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